So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
