we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
