He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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