How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize