just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
