I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
