the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
