i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Randomize
