I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i came on her dog
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
