those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
