Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
