If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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