There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
