The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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