you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
