I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
