brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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