It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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