Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
