You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
