this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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