my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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