i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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