we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
