At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
