Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
