proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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