so that wasnt chicken after all
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just pee around me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
