Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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