He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
