She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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