Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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