you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
