sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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