i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
