You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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