Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
