Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
