is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
