Don't make out with my wife yet
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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