im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's just like the Real World with babies
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
