so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize