Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
