The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
