well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
