you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
now i know why i became what i already was.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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