Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
