don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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