there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
