White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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