Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize