batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
