So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
