come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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