Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
