so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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