at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
