I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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