'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
