i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
