I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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