did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
