Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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