I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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