Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
