It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
