I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
